census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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