I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
