Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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