so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i came on her dog
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
