She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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