if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
