my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
