...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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