Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
