It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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