Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
