Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
