I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
