My underwear smells like fireworks.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
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Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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