i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
