so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sorry my hands just texted you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
