Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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