two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
