Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
