Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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