Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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