There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
