My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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