I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
