Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
