I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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