how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
