What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
