Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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