he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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