So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
