If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am available for nakedness
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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