You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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