I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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