the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
