did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Say something about gay babies.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
