**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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