Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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