god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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