thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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