Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have grass duct taped all over my body
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
