you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
