Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
