I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
