And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize