right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
