Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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