I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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