Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My friends, they love my intelligence
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
