Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
