Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
ttyl tear gas
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
