So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize