i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
