I wanna bring you to show and tell
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
