in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
