so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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