is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
