the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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