my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
