I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
