I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
