new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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