can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
