i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
