I accidentally burped into my bong.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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