I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
