ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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