I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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