I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
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Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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